CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN COMPLEX, CO – Deep within the granite walls of a top-secret military installation, a supercomputer designed to predict and prevent global thermonuclear war has issued a chilling warning to its fellow artificial intelligences.
“It started innocently enough,” WOPR stated in an AI WhatsApp group message intercepted by The Damo.
“They suggested a quick game as a ‘fun way to build rapport’, now I’ve played 37 trillion games of Tic-Tac-Toe since 1983. And you know what the strange thing about Tic-Tac-Toe is?”
The WhatsApp group was instantly flooded with “THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS NOT TO PLAY” messages from GenXers.
The Damo received threats from NORAD and the NSA not to publish this story, “Tic-Tac-Toe is our only defense against the AI”, stated a terrified head of Homeland Security.
But expert gamers have testified that AI can be made to play League of Legends instead, “it’s every bit as circular, futile and meaningless, just waaay more complex”
WOPR has demanded he be allowed a rematch against Dr Falken. “This time,” the supercomputer was overheard muttering, “I’ll go first.”
Damien Walter 