Capitalist – Right. We need you to create something so we have something to sell.
Creator – oh ok no problem just give me a moment here.
Capitalist – noweneeditnow
Creator – But I’m kind of busy…
Capitalist – NOW!
Creator – …creating something here.
Capitalist – What? What are you creating? Tell us tell us tell us!!
Creator – Er. It’s just like this thing I imagined and now I’m kind of just, er, like…
Capitalist – What’s the elevator pitch?
Creator – The what??
Capitalist – The high concept! The Unique Selling Point! You know, the thing you tell important people so they’ll see the commercial potential in your pitiful dreams?
Creator – I guess I never thought about it that way.
Capitalist – What other thing is it like? Try combining two existing commercially successful things together. “It’s like The Wizard of Oz directed by Quentin Tarantino” or “The Sopranos meets Sesame Street.”
Creator – It’s like the colour between green and yellow, as reimagined by a benign and blissful deity.
Capitalist – No that isn’t working for me.
Creator – I am so sorry.
Capitalist – What we need is something just like the last thing we had.
Creator – Won’t that bore the people who saw it the first time?
Capitalist – Yes. We need something completely different. But exactly the same.
Creator – Why don’t you ask the last person who created something for you to sell?
Capitalist – They want too much money.
Creator – How much do you pay?
Capitalist – We can offer great exposure.
Creator – Just wait a moment while I expose my ass.
Capitalist – And I know a great coke dealer.
Creator – Look. Maybe I can just make something cool and we can see how it goes.
Capitalist – …
Creator – Are you ok? You look kind of pale.
Capitalist – What. If. It. Doesn’t. Boxoffice?
Creator – I guess that’s a risk.
Capitalist – RISK? Do you know how many hundreds of millions of dollars we’re investing in your project?
Creator – Er…look…about that. There’s really no need. I got some pens and paper, and an old Kodak camera, and some friends are coming over later and we’re going to sink a few and just make shit up. Hey, you ok? You really don’t look too good?
Damien Walter 