DAMO: So tell me about Sync-Up!*
B&N: Well, if a B&N customer buys a paperback book from us, they can now buy the ebook as well for $4.99!
DAMO: But…isn’t that about what ebooks cost anyway?
B&N: Actually the average ebook price is £3.99.
DAMO: Er…so why not just buy the ebook the usual way?
B&N: Because then you won’t be “Syncing-Up”! *sincere marketing face*
DAMO: Really, wow, the book and ebook sync up?
B&N: *nods and smiles sagely* No. Obviously there’s no way to sync a print book.
DAMO: Amazon Whispersync syncs ebooks with audiobooks…
B&N: I’m sorry we don’t recognise that word.
DAMO: What word? You mean Amaz-
B&N: DON’T YOU SAY IT DAMO DON’T YOU DAMN WELL SAY IT
DAMO: Woah there, are you OK?
B&N: No. Yes. We’re fine. We’re absolutely fine. Just fine. Why don’t you ask us about Sync-Up’s AMAZING gifting features.
DAMO: OK, but couldn’t I just give any book I’ve bought to anyone I like, I mean-
B&N: You’re not helping.
DAMO: Sorry?
B&N: YOU’RE NOT HELPING DAMO WE’RE IN A FIGHT AGAINST A CORPORATE BEHEMOTH HERE FOR THE FUTURE OF BOOKSELLING AND YOU’RE NOT HELPING AND LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF POORLY PAID BOOKSELLERS ARE GOING TO LOSE THEIR CRAPPY JOBS IN SOULLESS CHAINSTORE BOOK RETAIL UNITS AND YOU AREN’T HELPING.
DAMO: Oh. Kay. I think we’ll leave it there.
B&N: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WON’T YOU THINK OF THE MARKETING EXECUTIVES.
DAMO: I assure you I am.
*please note, this is a satire, not a real interview
Damien Walter 